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eViL

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:)
« on: July 25, 2003 05:36 pm CDT »
A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota.
The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and
decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides
to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues
to read her book.

Along comes a forest ranger in his boat. He pulls up alongside the
woman and says,"Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and
write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the ranger.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment."

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can
also think.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by eViL »
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Quote from: "LastWish || NextWish"
eViL, you were probably the coolest but most misunderstood person in this community.. maybe the rest will find out how cool of a person you are some day, and don't get too mad at the people who dont understand you.. its their loss in the end.

LastWish

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« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2003 05:38 pm CDT »
LOL!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by LastWish »
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xkenshinx

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« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2003 06:22 pm CDT »
lol not bad....

speaking of equipment......

A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to choose and enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in,

"p..e..n..i..s".

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:



PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by xkenshinx »
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"First comes smiles, then lies. Last is gunfire." �Roland Deschain, of Gilead

Newbie

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« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2003 06:29 pm CDT »
Rofl, both funny jokes..  :lol:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by Newbie »
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EVIL_INC

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« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2003 08:04 pm CDT »
hmmmmm..... lets see what i can come up with off the top of my head with "equipment" jokes.....

The leper says to the prostitute, "You can keep the tip."
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by EVIL_INC »
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Zieg_Feld

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« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2003 10:29 pm CDT »
Hahaha XD
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by Zieg_Feld »
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Particle

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« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2003 11:20 pm CDT »
Quote from: "EVIL_INC"
hmmmmm..... lets see what i can come up with off the top of my head with "equipment" jokes.....

The leper says to the prostitute, "You can keep the tip."


Yipe!

=====================

Good joke there eViL.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by Particle »
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G-Unit

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« Reply #7 on: July 26, 2003 02:11 am CDT »
im trying to forking eat here!!!! lol
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by G-Unit »
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DaRkEcHoEs

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Joke
« Reply #8 on: July 26, 2003 02:34 pm CDT »
Theres 2 saugages laying in the frying pan. One sausage turns to the other and says "Its getting hot in here aye?". the other replies "AHH! a talking sausage"

(Corny i know o wellz.....)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by DaRkEcHoEs »
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The Village Idiot

LastWish

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« Reply #9 on: July 26, 2003 05:00 pm CDT »
lol, corny but a cheap laugh ;)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by LastWish »
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Vorter_X_

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« Reply #10 on: July 26, 2003 10:27 pm CDT »
ummm lemme think about this for a minute
no yes no no yes no YES ive got it

how did britney spears cross the road


with a magic marker

cheesy yes

A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.

"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."


Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."

The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"

"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by Vorter_X_ »
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Neoz

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« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2003 12:10 am CDT »
How To Beat A Speeding Ticket.
 

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the Captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by Neoz »
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Vorter_X_

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« Reply #12 on: July 27, 2003 01:34 am CDT »
lol thats a good one
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by Vorter_X_ »
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-Triton-

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« Reply #13 on: July 27, 2003 03:24 pm CDT »
lol do more speeding ticket ones plz  :roll:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by -Triton- »
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icl0lnz: ur a forking loser ass son of a unsavory woman
DainBramage559: oh i should just go to hell!

Pecker - "PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND ANSWER AIM!!!"

Neoz

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« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2003 05:35 pm CDT »
- Arabs -

It is the year 2032, and a father and his son walk the streets of lower Manhattan. Approaching the site where the WTC used to be in the end of the 20th century, the father sighs and comments, "to think that right here used to be the Twin Towers..."

The son, not understanding, asks his father "What are the Twin Towers?" The father smiles and looks at the son, and explains, "The Twin Towers were two huge buildings that used to be here until 2001, when the Arabs destroyed them."

The son looks up to his father, and asks, "And what are the Arabs?"


- fascinate -

The teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny Siebert raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him.
Johnny Seibert said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."

- confused -

An 85 year old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. The geezer's given a jar and told to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the doctor with an empty jar.

"What happened?" says the doctor.

"Well," the old man starts, "I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left -- nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called Evelyn, the lady next door, but still nothing."

The doctor bursts out, "You asked your neighbor?"

"Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn't get that damn jar open."
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by Neoz »
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