How to Write Like a Wanker

[Silvanoshei]

Best article ever. Some of this stuff had my sides bursting.

1. Pluralize with Apostrophes.
"Pluralize with Apostrophe's." This one small tactic is guaranteed to annoy anyone with even a passing knowledge of proper grammar. With a single keystroke, you demonstrate that you're completely incapable of handling the simplest rule of the English language, and reduce your more capable comrades to fits of mute frustration at your wilful idiocy.

Ignore Proper Spelling and Usage.
The English language is full of homonyms, for example 'they're', 'there', and 'their': confuse them at every opportunity. "i hate my parents there car sux0rz.." (Note also the run-on sentence, leet-speak -0r verb form, uncapitalized 'i' and stunted, unwanted ellipsis.) While you're at it, don't forget to make glaring, obvious spelling errors: 'reasonabel', 'buisness', and 'mesage', for instance. (Bonus wanker points if you play the ESL card to explain your inability to operate a simple dictionary, though this applies more to gratuitous misspellings than---a wanker would use 'then'---misuse of homonyms.)

Make Personal Attacks.
If someone's arguing with you, the best way of refuting them is to call them a 'fag' or a 'Nazi'. ('Pedophile' is rapidly gaining popularity in this regard, too.) Make up wild and false accusations against them: "Mike just got out of prison for raping puppies, so he obviously isn't qualified to have an opinion about Unreal Tournament." Ignore their argument and attack their credibility: "Oh yeah? Why should I listen to someone who sells heroin to kindergarteners?"

And so, so much more.

[Bice]

OMG LOL ...
I call people fags and Nazis all the time.
btw where did you get that at?

[Silvanoshei]

Somebody told me about it.

[Particle]

I use the apostrophe for making plural words, but only when they are complex.  Things like boxes and blocks don't need an apostrophe, but things like P.D.'s and F.R.U.'s do.

[BlAcK-IcE]

I used to do that.  

[Lidge Farkley]

That reminds me of the G....

I have to say though... I do use the apostrophe at the wrong times often these days.  I think it's because so much of the internet does use it the wrong way... I just kind of blended it in.

I do try to follow all the other rules though.... so as not to be said wanker.
:-)

I do understand the basic uses of the ' though, just as particle said, and I do some times use the comma too much as well... though for me it signifies a pause in my thought or breathing, much like the "..." does.

[Silvanoshei]

Bah. The Internet is ruining the English language.

[Hersh]

I'm sure its doing the same to other languages too. Probably all types of communication. (Ever play games that use microphones, some people do talk the way the type.)  

o.O

i thnik pepole who right with shet gramer sheould be baned.

Hersh

[Darwin]

I dont mind bad grammer when people speak, hell, I live in the place where bad grammer comes from (south).  What I cant stand is when people studder while using their mic's.  I'll start repeating them and st-st-studdering.

[LastWish]

What if they had a speech impediment and you made fun of them!  Haha, that would suck!

[Darwin]

Bah, if they got a speech impediment, they should use the keyboard like 95% of all other computer gamers use.

[xkenshinx]

silv is such a spelling/grammar nazi

[Lidge Farkley]

silv is such a spelling/grammar nazi

Negative.

Silvanoshei
Cartel Enforcer