Author Topic: Cyber  (Read 2937 times)

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Vorter_X_

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Cyber
« on: December 23, 2006 03:26 am CST »
How to succeed with women, virtually Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK.

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: { [logged off]
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by Vorter_X_ »

KoRo

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« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2006 04:43 am CST »
lmao
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by KoRo »

kharandhil

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« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2006 04:59 am CST »
this is way getting girls drunk is better...
I prefer she not remembering me
I hate meeting exgfs ...its so troublesome...
what i really hate is when they ask...oh can i come over some day...
then i gota say like ehm...I got a gf...
she tells me yeah but she wont find out...
then i say...no sry you can't sry...

the difficult part is saying no to a hot girl...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by kharandhil »
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Artorius

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« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2006 02:40 pm CST »
I came.

I bet kharandhil would be great at this, he has quite the imagination. =/
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by Artorius »


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Xenos

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« Reply #4 on: December 23, 2006 02:59 pm CST »
Thats as good as this classic

Quote
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me unsavory woman, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by Xenos »

Sako

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« Reply #5 on: December 23, 2006 03:21 pm CST »
uh? what the hell is this lol
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by Sako »




plasma

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« Reply #6 on: December 23, 2006 05:24 pm CST »
bloodninja is best.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by plasma »

Kyrie

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« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2006 06:23 pm CST »
Quote
br0kenrabbit says:
hi

Greg_ValveOLS says:
good evening

br0kenrabbit says:
What's ip?

br0kenrabbit says:
up?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
my name is greg a member of the valve online Support team

br0kenrabbit says:
On MSN?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
yes :(

br0kenrabbit says:
I need some information from you if you want me to unlock you account. I'm going to write you up but I will only suspend you account for three days, since this is your first infraction, okay?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

br0kenrabbit says:
First, what is the name the account is registered to. Not the user name, the persons real name who created the account. This is for verification purposes.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxx xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Is this you?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Are you the only user of this account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay, and what is the username

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay.

br0kenrabbit says:
I see you have purchased a few of our games, thank you. :)

Greg_ValveOLS says:
some. dude

Greg_ValveOLS says:
m

br0kenrabbit says:
Do you always log on from the same IP?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
And who is your internet providers, your ISP?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Thank you. One moment, please, let me verify this information.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
am i gonna be bale to play 2nite?

br0kenrabbit says:
What is your city of residence?

br0kenrabbit says:
That depends on if you cooperate. You're doing fine so far.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Illinios?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
yes

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. And what is the password associated with this account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. Do not try to log into steam. If you are connected now you need to log off.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
why

br0kenrabbit says:
So I can update your account.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
can I play 2 nite

Greg_ValveOLS says:
clan fight

Greg_ValveOLS says:
wont win without me heh

br0kenrabbit says:
Heh. You'll have to wait a few minutes. Are you logged off?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. Give me just a moment.

br0kenrabbit says:
Try to log in now.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

Greg_ValveOLS says:
It says login failed wtf wtf!!@?

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
did u ban me???????????>WHY

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what

br0kenrabbit says:
Valve will never ask for your username and password.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what????

br0kenrabbit says:
I don't work for Valve dude, but you just got pwnt.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
omg dude wtf why?

br0kenrabbit says:
Why were you trying to steal my account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
i wanst

br0kenrabbit says:
Then why were you asking for my information?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
i was just making a joke but not cerious honest dude just give
my acount back pllllleeease i'm only 13 and save d up for like a year to buy it

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
dude pleas

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what

br0kenrabbit says:
Go mow some yards, unsavory woman.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by Kyrie »







Lidge Farkley

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« Reply #8 on: December 23, 2006 09:50 pm CST »
Quote from: "kharandhil"
this is way getting girls drunk is better...
I prefer she not remembering me
I hate meeting exgfs ...its so troublesome...
what i really hate is when they ask...oh can i come over some day...
then i gota say like ehm...I got a gf...
she tells me yeah but she wont find out...
then i say...no sry you can't sry...

the difficult part is saying no to a hot girl...


wtf is wrong with the above picture?  This is wrong.

Also... the topic is OFN by about 8 years.  OFN!!!!

AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!


/me head explodes.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by Lidge Farkley »
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KoRo

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« Reply #9 on: December 24, 2006 02:10 am CST »
lmao @ Kyrie's post. ownt :D
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by KoRo »

kharandhil

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« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2006 07:34 am CST »
U dont wanna know what kind of girls I've met...
like this girl I know...

(the funny part about this is that these stories are NOT made up, basicly I'm just talking about stuff that happened to me,doesnt matter to me if you believe me or not)

I told her if you touch my hair I'll touch your pussy...
gues what she did after I told her that...and what I had to do next...
she also a girl who likes to tongkiss other girls but she told me she wont go any further...she doenst want to do real lesb stuff with girls...
sometimes when I'm bored I stick my pencil in her tities

It's simple with me...I'm dont like going slow
me:hey do you like me?
she: yes I do
me: do you really like me a lot
she has some doubts but she says:yeah actually I really like you
me: ...can I touch your boob ?
she:ehm why...ehm...no you can't !
I touch her boob and run away

next time I see her ...
me: ello
she: hmmm
me: so are u still mad at me?
she: no
me: so you still really like me a lot?
she:yes
me: so cna i touch your boob again?
she: NO!
me: so you're mad at me?
... she leaves...I touch her ass...she still smiles...

later I a friend to ask her how she feels about me
he asks her and she tells him she likes me a lot and stuff...
I really make her feel happy...

next ...on msn
me:hello will you go out with me?
she: no ...I cant ...
me; why not?
she: you have a gf...
me: so?
she: I'm sry I just think I'm not ready for this...
me: what? but you really like me and I know I make you very happy...
she: yeah I don't know...sry I'm just not ready...
me: okay fine!

I'm talking with this other girl
other girl: hey what's up with you and emily? (emily is that girl I liek tp play with...)
me: oh nothing....i just like to touch her somehow...
O girl: ehm so you can even touch her boobs ?
me: yeah she doesnt mind
O girl: can you touch her boobs when we leave cuz I dont believe you
me: yeha lol no prob
when we leave I do my stuff and she's mad lol...the other girl starts talking to her

next time she starts screaming at me
she: hey if you touch me ever again...I'll go to the cops!
me: what? hey wtf
she: I really don't want you to touch me ever again...
me: ehm its not fair...why do you always sit next to me in class?why do you smile when I touch you...when don't you say stop!when I hug you?
she: grrr...ah fork you !

recently its like this...
spanking! I touch her ass
me: hello baby
she: -_- you agian...
me: if you dont like me just say it
she: well you know I like you a lot...sigh
I hug her and run!

I wonder how this will continue...its holidays now...I'll see her in 2 weeks again...
I dont want to date ,but i do like her...I'm nto sure what i want with her...
maybe its the fact that I'll rarely get a change to do a virgin girl...
shes the type that studies a lot and never had a bf before...but she is hot :p

my gf will kill me if she finds out about this
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969 06:00 pm CST by kharandhil »
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