Fundamentalist Christianity - fascinating. These people actually believe that the bi.., er, the world is 12 thousand years old. Swear to God.
What the..? Based on what? I asked them.
"Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages - 12 thousand years."
Well how f*** scientific, okay.
I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble. That's good.
You believe the world's 12 thousand years old?
"That's right."
Okay I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?
"uh huh."
Dinosaurs.
You know the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed in that time, you'd think it would have been mentioned in the f*** Bible at some point.
"And lo Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus... with a splinter in his paw. And O the disciples did run a shriekin': 'What a big f*** lizard, Lord!'
But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and the big lizard became his friend.
And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O so many years inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat f*** families and their fat dollar bills.
And oh Scotland did praise the Lord. Thank you Lord, thank you Lord. Thank you Lord."
Get this, I actually asked one of these guys, OK, Dinosaurs fossils - how does that fit into you scheme of life? Let me sit down and strap in.
He said, "Dinosaur fossils? God put those there to test our faith."
Thank God I'm strapped in right now here man.
I think God put you here to test my faith, Dude.
You believe that?
"uh huh."
Does that trouble anyone here? The idea that God.. might be.. f***' with our heads? I have trouble sleeping with that knowledge. Some prankster God running around:
"Hu hu ho. We will see who believes in me now, ha ha."
[mimes God burying fossils]
"I am God, I am a prankster."
"I am killing Me."
You know, You die and go to St. Peter...
"Did you believe in dinosaurs?"
"Well, yeah. There was fossils everywhere"
Thuh [trapdoor opens]
"Aaaaaaarhhh!"
"You f*** idiot."
"Flying lizards, you're a moron. God was f***' with you!"
"It seemed so plausible, ahhhh!"
"Enjoy the lake of fire, f***!"
You ever noticed how people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Ya ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet.
"I believe God created me in one day"
Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.
They believe the bible is the exact word of God - Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh?
"I think what God meant to say..."
I have never been that confident.
Next we have a bible out called 'The New Living Bible', it's the bible in updated and modern English. I guess to make it more palatable for people to read. But its really weird, when you listen to it.
"And Jesus walked on water. And Peter said, 'Awesome!'"
Suddenly we got Jesus hanging ten across the Sea of Galilee. Christ's Bogus Adventure, you know. Deuteronomy 90210, you know.
Such a weird belief. Lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he's gonna want to see a f*** cross, man?
"Oaww"
May be why he hasn't shown up yet.
"Man, they're still wearing crosses. f*** it, I'm not goin, dad. No, they totally missed the point. When they start wearing fishes I might show up again, but... Let me bury fossil heads with you Dad, f*** em - Let's f*** with them! They're f*** with me now, lets get em. Give me that brontosaurus head, Dad."
i have an explanation for all of this...
Genesis 1:1
In the beggining God created the heavens and the earth.
this is before God does ANYTHING to the earth
Genesis 1:2
darkness was upon the face of the deep on the earth
Darkness - meaning all evil things!
dinosaurs = evil thing
Everything God makes is good
God only makes good things
So in that time during the darkness when God didn't do anything thats when the dinosaurs exsisted.
6000 years ago is the first 7 days that God created the earth
Days were literal so dinosaurs lived an undefined amount of time
