Particle I am a bit ashamed!

[Kendril]

Quote:
Particle says:
go ahead
Kat says:
have you been keeping up with the soap opera on your forums?
Particle says:
I don't have time to read all the threads nowadays
Particle says:
too much activity
Kat says:
well basically a big thing is gonig on about people wanting my admin removed because "I caused the clear"
Kat says:
I know it's a bunch of bs but I just wanted to see how you felt.
Particle says:
f*** them sums it up nicely
 

 I really haven't been flaming Aphex about this. My comments have been more of --Wow if this is true then..........
 I know these are your forums Particle and the server is yours as well. All this aside if you didn't have players you wouldn't have a server and if you didn't have the server you wouldn't have the forums. With this being said I found it really disturbing with your final comment. Is that how you feel about the community? If it is then why even have this forum or server anylonger? I have talked to you many times and never thought you would stoop so low as to say that about anyone. Maybe I have a bad judgement of character because I didn't think you were like that. I know that people may have been flaming your friend! But you didnt even read the comments in the forum before you cast judgement on people! This was something I never thought I would see. I have always thought of you as a fair an decent person.
 As far as Aphex goes, well I don't really have any problems with her or any of the admins. They always treated me fairly while I played and were very polite and fun. I also never recieved any freebies to reach God either. I did though, read all the information in the forums about this subject and I was really surprised at some of the more Honest people that came out of the woodwork to say somehting in respect to this issue. I still haven't come to any conclusion on who is right or who is wrong. i think there was a lot of wrong doing and hopefully when the clear happens this will not resurface.
 Maybe you could post to this thread and clear this up for some of us Particle. If not then I will assume that the F*** them comment applies to us as a community because it was much of the community talking about this issue!

Mike

[Aphex]

I think he's just tired of the way the general population of the forums treats him.


*note I didnt say server.

[Kendril]

Aphex thats fine and all but no where in the IM is there a reference to that. Its strictly about the Soap Opera issue with you. So it is a very disturbing statement to be posted in the forums.

-on a side note: I hope that when you read my comments you took no offense as I tried to be as neutral as possible when talking about the issue of money being handed out by you!  

[Aphex]

I would post the rest of the converstaion but It's not up to me to show you that. I feel bad enough posting what I did, but I felt it was the only way to get  everyone to shut up.  Lets just say that he got fed up a while ago.

[Xanth]

Et Tu Brute?
Unto every life shall a axe fall.  
Like that of doom upon the hero's shoulder.
Do not go quietly...
Alas.

[Kendril]

I have talked to him on MSN recently and understand his frustrations. But I still think the comment was way off! Anyone would take that wrong when read. As I said b4 there would be no sever if not for the players thus there would be no forum if not for the server. As a community we didn't need to see that!

did you read my side not Aphex? Was just wondering!

[Lucid]

Particle is not saying "you guys all suck" , what he means is "im fed up with having to deal with the asses". The assholes that go out of their way to crash the server and hack files greatly overshadow the people who just want to have a fun game.

It's made pcrpg a chore, a bother, and hes not getting paid for it (in fact it costs him, i know a few who get paid to do what he does, and they still don't like it). How many of you people have signed up on PayPal and sent Particle 5$? How many of you have ever really thanked him for the significant amount of work this server has required? I'm not tryign to say your suppose to be giving him money to play neither am i saying that nobody is grateful, but I've never heard of anyone doing anything to give pack to Particle for what he's done. And I know he's not looking for people to send him money, I just don't see anyone getting up and saying "thanks for the longest running, largest server in trpg on average".

He's been insulted so many times by so many people because the service he provides isnt "good enough". If someone gave you a ferrari with no doors, would you turn it down? People think that tribes servers will always be there and it doesnt take much to have one, just plug it in and there we go ey? It takes alot of money to support the bandwidth charges, it takes A LOT of time and effort to patch the server when someone finds an exploit. It takes even more time to fix the server when someone attacks it, wether that be a udp-packet bomb or pinglag. On top of that TRPG isnt the most stable mod, it was coded very sloppily to a point where it worked, then was packaged up, bandaged and forgotten, so there are alot of bugs and holes that need to be hunted down and fixed.

Also keep in mind with the significant amount of crap posted on these threads, its nearly impossible for him to read a post to get some information out of it. That is why i made that forum. Let the idiots have their own little corner, that makes it so much easier to ignore. People don't talk about how they got killed by a runt at level 100, or about how x quest was fun , or about how they accidentally wandered into centuria and got whacked, or how they accidentally put 3say mypassword, No, people seem to only be interested in doing everything they can to irritate, harrass, and generally annoy people. I don't think i would have the time to count how many posts are either accusations, or re-worded insults.

And Kendril i appreciate your attitude on this subject (not flaming it). This is where opinion is heard.

[Aphex]

yeah i read what you wrote. but from my point of view I just think he's tired of the general idiots that post here. Now I cant speak for him and I really dont want to, but that's just what I feel. Id ont think he was refering to the whole server when he said that.

[Xanth]

Mabe you should have taken confort in the knowledge that Particle backed you and not "Shown how quickly you can hit Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V".
Nothing like taking things out of context.

[Kendril]

Xanth you lost me on your last post! Explain please.

Lucid I appreciate the comments. As far as doing something to give back to Particle I have.
http://http://www.pcrpg.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=2488

As far as the money situation I didn't know he was taking money or I would have helped out.

Maybe I read more into the comment than needed be but it was hard not to read anything else from it due to the small fraction of the conversation. I know he is sick of all this stuff. Sometime I wish he would just shut down the server so he could devote more time to better things.

I still would like to hear from Particle on this though and I do appreciate your opinions as well, but Particles opinion is what is gonna matter here folks!

[Particle]

Well, not to be rude, but that has no real business being posted here.  If I want to bolster my friends when they're having doubts in a private conversation, I reserve the right to do so.  I know you and I have been friends for a long time now, but I'm afraid that's just not going to matter anymore when it comes to the subject of you judging me.  If you honestly don't agree with everything I'm going to post in this reply, maybe I'm not good enough of a person for you to be friends with.  I've got nothing against you, but I know sometimes the truth can be caustic.  I'm not going to sugar-coat this, and I'm not going to water it down.  As far as I'm concerned, you're still an awesome friend, regardless.

By them, I am addressing anybody who would go against what I said.  If you (now addressing everybody) don't like it and feel you cannot cope playing here or posting here, you're welcome to leave.  Not that I want to appear ungreatful for all of the good things that have come from this community, but folks, I've hated running this place for about 30% of these last 18 months.  It actually hurts me at times to continue, but I do since people put so much time into their characters.  Another 40-50% I've spent in dislike of this place.  The remainder I've spent with a neutral opinion.  Last January 23rd, when my domain was up to expire, I seriously considered shutting everything down.  The date kinda slipped by me and I didn't feel like I had what it took to kill the server quite yet.  Since then, my opinion of this place has increased, but the bullmalarkey that I have to put up with keeps increasing with every 100 new players.

I don't get any satisfaction out of hosting the server anymore.  I don't get any satisfaction out of running this forum or my website.  The only satisfaction I get out of all of this is that I can still carry on some good conversations with people (like you, Kendril) despite this sea of assholes and forum trolls (e.g. Jonah and WolfTones).  If all of this were to be shut down tonight, I seriously don't think I would feel it.  I really don't think I could bring myself to actually care.  For this last month, I've snapped in half.  Perhaps as an unconcious mental protection or something, but I went from (2001 - 100%) to (2002 - 70%) to (2003 - 25%) to now - 3%.  I seriously cannot see myself commiting to this current server and community any longer in more of a way than I am now.  Sure, I could make updates and stuff, but it wouldn't make me feel any better or feel any worse to stop it all together.

Am I a good person?  I like to think so, but in this community on a professional level, I see myself as this anymore:
1)  Uncaring
2)  Only semi-dedicated
3)  Sluggish
4)  Disorganized

On a personal level with many of you (and you folks know who you are), I'm still receptive and prompt.  Others of you I still have high respect for and would help you if you needed something.  Yet, this blackened baked-on crust of people I don't give a fork about.  fork them all.  I've had enough hatred directed toward me these last 3 years, and it has really ruined my desire to help people learn and help people out in both real life and here.  I still assist my friends as much as possibly, but my warm outstretching hand for everyone that comes is dead.  It's decayed over these years to turn into not drive to flame, but a drive to ignore.

So?  Does this disgust you (all of you, not Kendril alone)?  That's how it is.  That's how I am.  There's nobody but yourselves and the ones that came before you on this server to blame.  I know that sounds awefully cynical, but it's the damned truth.  Also, I mean the ones who have just hated me and disrespected me--not the ones who've been great to hang with.

[Xanth]

unrelated topics before this one were deleted, mostly be being EXACTLY what particle explained as irritation

way to take a serious post and turn it to SHlT guys.  
Knock it off will you?

[Aphex]

way to take a serious post and turn it to SHlT guys.  
Knock it off will you?

[Kendril]

Particle(seems weird calling you this since I call you by name on MSN), By no means did I take offense to how you explained yourself. We are definatly still friends and by no means will i stop having chats with you online.
I think this thread is probably the best thing that has ever happened to you in a while my friend. You needed to get that off your chest buddy. I can imagine your brain overflowing as you typed that message into the forums.
 I really wasn't judging you in a sense. I have always and always will have respect for you. But that little snippit of conversation made me jump to conclusions because of what was said at the end! (Apologies)
 To be honest Particle -(I really want you to think on this one) If there is a clear in the server then there will be no hard work lost if you shut it down! I am just playing devil's advicate here. Do you really want to try to keep it up for another year or two? In making this decision be honest with yourself! 3% commitment is doing yourself no justice at all! You will do nobody any favors by keeping it up if your heart is not in it. As far as the forums go---Well who said it had to be a RPG Forum? What about your ideas from your last post. Wipe this slate clean and restart this forum with a new Forum basis! Everyone in here games! Everyone in here has a Rig of some sort! Why don't you make this into something you can really get into again. God this would be a great forum for Computer stuff and different games. I know some will go but more would come to be a part of that type of community!
 And no you comments do not digust me in no way, shape or form. I have known for a while your frustrations. LETS DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! I repeat LETS DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! No reason for you to have to feel like this any longer my friend. I will IM you soon.

Mike

-really consider the things I spoke about particle-

[Aphex]

ken pretty much summed it up. Im glad you finally got all this out.


I know you cant make your forums perfect but you can get rid of the problems.