If Operating Systems Were Beers...
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in
an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided
into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately.
Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep
drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical.
When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list
is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told
that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag
your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer:
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like
Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it
allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality
you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you
are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently
no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
OS/2 Beer:
Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too,
but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open
them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking
OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing)
claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.
Windows 95 Beer:
The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows
3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only
have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking
Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like
it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of
the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer
claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload.
This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators.
The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to
change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95
beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and
suggested only for use in bars.
Unix Beer:
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz.
Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim
that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the
pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your
own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need
a complete set of instructions or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer
for several years.
