What do you do..

[12Stones]

Flame if you want, or give advice if you want..  only going to pay attention to the latter.

My girlfriend always stressed when my ex-girlfriend (of 2 years) kept text messaging me and saying she was still in love with me.  I expected as much, and did my best to convince her that I wasn't in love with this girl (because I wasn't).  My ex lives in another city, but in the same state (for perspective).  Today, I was using her computer and noticed an instant message open with HER ex boyfriend.  I read it, of course (who wouldn't), and it seemed like there were still some lingering feelings between them.  A specific comment bothered me.  She made a comment (seemingly in jest) about sneaking off and "having memories in mcalister" (mcal being a dorm at the school I go to) but then immediately said "but not in that way".  The guy really didn't seem interested, however the fact that she even mentioned sneaking off with her ex-boyfriend just irks me.  Should I worry about it?  She swears she doesn't like him anymore, but I still worry..  hmm.

[Dirk]

Slice your wrists now, it's all over.

[Artorius]

Is stones gonna have to choke a unsavory woman?

Anyways, talking from experience, don't do a goddamn thing, most women absolutely hate when you get jealous, especially if you actually have a reason to be jealous. Although, some women enjoy making their men jealous, I wish I was a monk...

[KoRo]

I guess I have to agree with Artorius. At first, my reaction is always to get the problems out on the table and try to work them out. But with something thats this....volatile, it might be best to try and let it go. I suppose if there's suspicious behavior later on, you can try talking to her, but for now I'd say let things go the way they go.

And as for your ex-gf, that's not right (of her). You need to tell her straight forward that you're with someone else right now and that your ex needs to back off unless she wants to risk losing you altogether.

[WhoCouldIBe]

Slice your wrists now, it's all over.

or grow your penis 4 more inches...that way it will be 6, then she won't need it get it else where!

[HUBBA]

I wouldn't take it as being jealous, more of concerned.

If you do not care for the ex-girlfriend, tell her to TAKE A HIKE, and to back off.

I would confront your girlfriend about it. Let her know that you feelings about the conversations she has online with her ex-boyfriend.  Things like that tend to be little but later on cause more trouble then they are worth. Communication is the key to making a relationship work.

[Particle]

I've never really been one to have relationships (computers take too much time and money themselves), but here is what I have observed as a generalization of this situation:

- Confrontation will end up in your girlfriend making you out to be the bad guy.
- Girls have a way of twisting and distorting the actual situation--you will not win here if you do anything.
- It likely doesn't really mean anything significant.
- Remember--it doesn't help that you invaded her privacy when you found out this info.  This will have explosive results if you confront her with the content.  She will likely ignore the actual content and chose to focus on you spying on her.
- You are taking this too seriously.
- Women hold a double standard.  They expect to get away with more than you.

This doesn't apply to every woman alive, but it does seem to accurately predict the likely outcome for most.  I've seen lots of friends with lots of girlfriends.  My parents' relationship is also represented here.  It seems to be really common.

My suggestion is to just drop it unless it starts to seem serious.  In that case, ditch her.  If she is interested in other men (and I don't mean just looking at them passingly--everybody does that), there isn't a good relationship there.  It isn't something that should be "fixed", it should just never happen.  Don't try to cut her off from other people though--it isn't right, nor will it work.

[WhoCouldIBe]

I've never really been one to have relationships (computers take too much time and money themselves), but here is what I have observed as a generalization of this situation:

- Confrontation will end up in your girlfriend making you out to be the bad guy.
- Women hold a double standard.  They expect to get away with more than you.

Wow..Never have i read 2 sentences that made such sence!!

[KoRo]

Thats the sucky thing about girls...you can't live with them, but you can't live without them (except particle)

[NFY]

drop it like it's hot hombre

[remote-control]

look, theres a difference from being jealous, and being CAUTIOUS... I have a girlfriend as well, and yeah..girls dont like guys being jealous.
But that doesn't mean you let your guard down. Just watch for signs, thats all you have to do.

Is she hiding her messages from you? Doesnt like you looking at her check her emails? doesnt like you being around when she talks to certain guys? does she close any windows fast when you come near her at the computer? come on man.. its not rocket science.

Yeah, shes going to flirt with other guys.. its something thats not ever going to change no matter WHOM you're with. But she should have respect for your relationship, and if she thinks she can do certain things and get away with them.. screw her man. You can say ALL you want about, oh i love her yadda yadda I have been with her for soo long i cant leave her, and crap. But ya know what.. there are so many girls out there, no point in letting one screw you over. Confront her about it.

[Artorius]

I wasn't necessarily calling it jealousy, it's a matter of how she would interpret it. Telling her... by the way I just happened to read every single word in a private convo with your ex, and I noticed a few comments you made were pretty flirtatious. Well.. um. could you stop? Isn't going to solve a damned thing, and it's more than likely she will think he's jealous.

Particle is right, there's just no way to approach this situation, without starting down a road, he probably doesn't want to go down. It's certain that she will twist it around on him. She will also look at him in a new light, and will probably become secretive, perhaps even more flirtatious.

As for.. "talking it out" well... if she actually did cheat on him, it's not going to accomplish anything, since she will lie about it anyways.

Oh, and for the love of Zombie Jesus... Celtic... it's SENSE.

[12Stones]

Heh..  well, what I decided to do is leave the following message in her AIM box with the guy (with that line I posted highlighted):

"You get pissed at me for texting my ex-girlfriend, even when I let you read everything I send, and then I find you saying this to your ex-boyfriend ((who is her v-card, by the way))..  not so bad now, is it?  I guess it's a one way deal."

I left it there, let some angry music play on her comp, and waited for her to get home.  I said hi when she arrived, and she went upstairs for like a minute.  She came back downstairs and asked me to come upstairs, but I was waiting on her roommate's car so I could jumpstart mine (she thought I was gonna leave).  I acted totally normal, with a slight hint of dismissivity (not sure if thats a word, but you get the picture).  She kinda freaked out and got all sorry-sorry with me, and said "I didn't mean it that way"  I read on and she said "but not like that" like 2 lines down in the convo.  I believe her..  she got genuinely upset and apologized.  She said she's "playing him" because of what he did to her (which we won't get into).  The guy is already scared of me (which I read in the IM.. haha), but he lives in a different city so i'm not worried about it.  I don't think she'll get secretive..  she knows every password I have, and I know every password she has.  She checks my mail for me all the time.. lol.

As for celtic..  my dick is 7 inches long.  If it grew 4 inches, I'd kill whoever I forked.  To be totally honest, I used to think she only stayed because of the sex, but we've been together for 6 months now.  Iv'e already flown to texas to meet her parents, so I don't think that's the case anymore.  She paid for the ticket.

[KoRo]

6 months and you're living together? Isn't that a little......fast?

[12Stones]

Iv'e heard of much faster being successful, so i'm willing to take my chances..  it's not like I haven't thought about it alot.